Why????????????

Why is it that it is during the most difficult times of our life that some of our 'best' friends desert us??
Why is it that the it takes the most desolate, desperate times of our life to make us realise the 'real' worth of the people around us??
Why is it that it takes the lows of our life to make us realise the importance we have in some peoples lives??
Why is it that, over time ,some relationships attain the kinda magnitude you never thought they would??
Why is it that the ones closest to us hurt us the most??
Why is it that we hurt the people closest to us, the most??

Why are we not perfect?????
Why is life not perfect????

Haunting...

one song s been running thru my head for days now..i am simply not able to get it out of my system..
dunno how many of u hav listened to it at all..its from this new movie called Kalyug..its called "jiya dhadak dhadak.."...i have gone totally mad abt it..n the voice it keeps going on long after i have stopped listening to the song(well i listened to the song abt 10 times today..so i guess thts not too much of a surprise!!!)..the song has been sung by Rahat Fateh Ali Khan( i heard from ma friend tht he is the gr8 maestro Nusrat fateh Ali Khan's son)..his voice (though not as haunting as his fathers ) has tht 'sthg' tht tugs hard....this is how the song goes...


tujhe dekh dekh sona
tujhe dekh kar hain jagna
maine yeh zindagani
sang tere bitaani
tujhmein basi hain meri jaan haai
(jiya dhadak dhadak
jaayen)
tujhe dekh dekh sona
tujhe dekh kar hain jagna
maine yeh zindagani
sang tere bitaani
tujhmein basi hain meri jaan haai
jiya dhadak dhadak
jaayen

kabse hai dil mein mere armaan kai ankahe
inko tu sunle aaja chaahat ke rang chadha jaa
kehna kabhi to mera maan haai
(jiya dhadak dhadak
jaayen)

lagta hain yeh kyu mujhe sadiyon se chaahu tujhe
mere sapno mein aake apna mujhko banake
mujhpe tu kar ehsaan haai
(jiya dhadak dhadak
jaayen)
tujhe dekh dekh sona
tujhe dekh kar hain jagna
maine yeh zindagani
sang tere hain bitani haai
(jiya dhadak dhadak
jaayen)

dhadak jaaye jiya
dhadak jaaye jaaye
jiya dhadak dhadak
jiya dhadak dhadak
dhadak dhadak dhadak jaaye
(jiya dhadak dhadak
jaaye)


those of u who njoi the slow soulful sorta music -do give this one a try....
n those of who njoi who dont--do give this a try.. :-)

Mind Games ( mebbe it shud be called "Mind Your Own games")

this blogging thing sometimes gets really infectious..like u get soo absorbed tht evry time sthg happens the first thot that runs thru is "hmm..i gotta blog this"..i had been reading quite a few blogs lately so got really bitten by the blog-bug(whaoh...i am sure thts a good tongue-twister..anybody out there who can say "blog-bug" ten times in a row--raise ur hands!!!) :-D

hah--the whole point of wht i have written above is to let u ppl know why i have written wht i have written below!!!(gee !!! i like tht sentence..quite a gem isnt it?? )

Monday was a really depressing day for me..well come to think of it it wasnt a 'depressing day' coz nthg really happened to depress me..it was jus tht i was generally jus very depressed..n the reason was pbbly wat some ppl now term as the "quarter-life crisis"..i mean u kinda wake up one day n start wondering--"where is my life going?" , "wat do i want to do in life" etc etc n then u seem stuck coz u really cant find the answers..n the worse part is u know tht u r the only person who can really answer those questions..hmm..so as i was saying the day started off like tht n when a day starts off like tht there very few things tht can help it get any better..n so it didnt get any better( thankfully it didnt get any worse either!!!) ..cudn concentrate on work at all n so decided to leave by six itself though i had come in late..n in the bus i tried to cheer myself up by digging into a PGW but even tht didnt cheer me up:-( ( i sadly realised tht somedays even the great 'Plum' cant weave his magic)..n then i sat there lost in thot..n i dunno when exactly my attention got diverted to the mobile in the hand of the guy sitting in front of me..the guy was wroking away on a 'game' on his cell fervently trying to get a ball of some sort thru a maze of walls n caverns filled with monsters(which wud eat up the 'ball') n some such other stuff.it was a gud ten minutes(atleast!! ) before i realised tht i had been staring at this guys cell.in fact i had gotten soo involvd i was leaning fwd in my seat to watch the prress of the game.when i realised tht i was actually being such a 'peeping-tom' i nearly squirmed in embarassment n as a natural reaction slowly turned arnd to see if anyone had been watching-- n wat do i see??..two guys sitting on the seat next to me were looking at me n grinning!!one of those moments when u wish the earth wud jus swallow u up or sthg like tht!(i have had quite a few such moments..mebbe i will blog abt all those one of these days!!!) but since i was neither invisible nor 'swallowed-up' by the bus/seat i had to react..n all i cud manage was a rather weak smile..it must have been one of the most sheepish smiles i have ever given anybody.then i promptly started 'dozing-off' n didnt open my eyes till the bus came to my place...

i reached home n after sometime i realised tht i was actually feeling quite cheerful.the whole incident n the whole embarassment had somehow actually livened up my mood quite a bit.. :-)

th mind n the games it plays!!!!!

I cannot take the trouble of giving this a title...

have u guys ever faced a situation in life when u really badly wanted to talk to someone or mebbe really badly wanted someone to talk to u but u cant think of anything to talk..now this is not coz there is a dearth of things u want to talk abt..there r umpteen number of things u want to tell...umpteen number of things u want to hear..but somehow the conversation jus doesn get going coz u have fallen out of the habit of sharing all these small-nothings..n thts not coz either of u dont want to share them..its coz of the 'Time' or rather the lack of it..its really a sad thing when this happens to u..u r left not knowing wat-to-do..hmm..

but then come to think of it , mebbe it is not so bad either...frankly i dunno..( Gawd..my list of situations that leave me 'I-dunno-wat-to-do' seem to be increasing at an alarming rate!!!)

hmmm..now that i have re-read what i have written I am nearly sure tht anyone who wud take the trouble to finish the para above wud not be able to make head-or-tail of it..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a little after i posted this thing i realised one more thing--situations such as these can solve themselves on their own provided u dont complicate them further by thinking too much abt these!!
:-D

the only catch--- i am not the kind who wud simply leave things as they r..i have this miserable disease of thinking too much!!! i know a few ppl who wud heave a sigh of relief if only i wud get out of tht habit!!! :-D

Life goes on...

its been over three months since i wrote anything..n these three months have been like the most 'happening' time of my life since i came to blore..well actually pbbly thts the reason why i really never got the time to pen anything down at all!!

well for one i was preparing for CAT n wht with th job n the prep n evrything i didnt have enuf time to sit myself down n write..n then to top it all i was suddenly asked to go on an official trip to Ireland for a month..n then jus as i was abt to leave my sis got a job offer n left for hyd..evrything was going jus perfect but then i guess He simply cant let things be all happy..

there was a sudden death in the family n the sense of loss tht it has left is sthg tht will stay forever..i might get over the grief but the memories of the person shall remain with me for as long as i am alive..mebbe it is at such junctures of life tht u really sit back n think abt ppl whom u have taken for granted..ppl who r so much a part of ur life tht u hardly notice their presence..n then when they r gone u think of all tht they had done for u , of how diff ur life is coz of tht single person, of all the good moments n the bad ones tht u shared with the person ...
my granpa had always been and shall always remain the most respected n revered person in my family..he was a teacher by profession n made sure tht the same kinda discipline tht he practised at school was followed at home too..my sis n i grew up with our grandparents.being a teacher he made sure tht his grandchildren never fell behind in their education..i still remember those days when v used to return from school have tea ,play for a while n then come straight back in by 6 in the eve to attend to the homeworks n stuff..the timing was to be strictly adhered to n no matter wat, v were never allowed to goof arnd after 6..v used to despise the level of discipline but now when i look back on those days i realise tht pbbly it was this schedule tht put me into the groove...his subject was english and it was from him tht i caught on the habit of reading ..he sometimes used to talk to us in english.this was quite uncommon for a middle-class mallu family like ours n i used to cherish those few moments coz somehow they made me feel imp but in a very nervous sorta way!!!he used to always encourage us to read more n more..books were sthg he worshipped.when v were kids one of the greatest offence tht v cud have committed was to tear pages from notebooks, to make books dirty or worse to lose one even if it be jus a small story book( my sis n i hav heard quite a few 'lectures' coz of torn book covers n folded page-corners..:-) to this day i hate to see books being handled carelessly..) everyone in n arnd my place (esp at school) knew him (in fact he was a very respected figure in tht society coz he had been the headmaster of a school there).my sis n were known as his grandchildren to most ppl(we were almost always 'mashintae kochumakkal' :-) n it made us proud to be addressed tht way).v were always keenly aware of the fact tht our actions were always measured by the standards he had set n our n academic achievements were always attributed to him..n for me one of the greatest rewards of doing anything well was his appreciation..i still cant forget the day i called home to say tht i got a job..nor the day i got my grandparents the first onakkodi with my own money..nor the look on his face when i was leaving for blore after soming to visit him when he had taken ill..some things in life shall always be treasured...

welll...i guess i am gonna jus stop now..mebbe the whole blog reads like some mushy dialogue in some stupid soap but i dont care...

will write soon abt my ireland trip...n well , as for CAT--there really isnt much to write abt...i seem to have messed it up royally..anyway the results will be out in a month or so ..we'll see then..i will jus leave it to Him to see if He can mend sthg on tht front...:-)

Of floods n books n music...

okie there..its been quite a looong time..precisely , 2 months since i posted anything..but then this blog has never been quite out of my mind(i am not one with whom "out of sight, out of mind " applies) ..every now n then-- when i am on my bus n the mind is jus wandering,when i am walking along n see sthg tht momentarily holds my attention, a particularly intersting passage in a novel or article, certain strains of melody in an old familiar song---all these remind me tht there is a place where i can just jot down my thoughts , a place where i may be able to follow the tracks of the thought-train...n every now n then i resolve tht i shall put it all in a blog asap..but somehow i kept dilly-dallying n now i have lost nearly 2 months!!!

had blogged abt rains last time..but must say "a lot of water has flown under the bridge"(literally too) after tht one..seems like its been raining incessantly all over the country(save of course blore:-( ..its been cloudy for days but the showers r pretty sporadic..) the pics of mumbai-under-water evoked a mixed emotions..i mean--on one hand i felt sorry for the mumbaites who have fallen prey to one of Nature's cruel jokes( isnt it weird how Nature , with jus a swish of her wand, keeps reminding us of our total impuissance,but we remain unapologetic, our minds clouded by the invincibility of Man!!!) and on the other hand i was taken aback by the "revelations" about the city's antiquated drainage system which clearly showed the absolute apathy of the city's different governing bodies!!!!! n to top it all the fire in the ONGC rig..really a bad time for the much fabled 'city of dreams'..
was jus going thru this week's India Today and one after the other it was filled with articles abt all the things tht had gone wrong here there n everywhere..first there was a huge write-up abt the Mumbai flood, then one on the messy Honda issue,then one on the killing of 2 innocents in our valley n then there had been a mail circulating abt the Iraqis n one on the London blasts..dunno after these spate of articles/mails i was suddenly overcome by a sense of foreboding..i mean --wat is the future gonna be like?for all the hard work tht v put in to have a 'good life' r v ever gonna be rewarded with a chance to enjoy the fruits of our efforts peacefully???hmm...mebbe i am jus worrying too much..life probably will be jus the same another 50 yrs from nwo..mebbe its all these imperfections tht make this life worth living..

but then i have also discovered tht there is sthg tht can simply take ur mind away from all these 'troubles' n bring a smile on ur lips yet again(now a smile is the least it can do..mostly it has me clutching my stomach n rotfl..)--n tht is a "P G Wodehouse"..now in my case, i was introduced to this guy only a year ago n i should tell tht i have always considered it one of the biggest losses tht i never took the trouble to check him out before!!!the man in a genius in his rights..its absolutely amazing how he can jus totally disregard reality n be such a master of farce...the way he can grip u in all those improbabale situations though u realise fully well tht they r probably gonna have even-more-improbable endings is jus admirable..i so thoroughly get lost in his world tht many a times i have had to face "wat the hell is she grinning abt" looks from my fellow bus passengers!!! shud say fellas--he is one author i would surely surely recommend to jus abt everyone!!!!

n then again there is music..its sthg tht totally sweep u off ur feet..the melodies as they come breezing by can transport u to a diff world, can totally change ur state of mind..there r some which for years have been favorites,those which never fail to touch u no matter how many times u hear them..n then there r songs which u may have listened to n number of times but never really 'listened to'' n on fine day u 'listen ' to it n it somehow attains a different level of appeal..like wat happened to me when i listened to "awaz do humko" ,"piya bavari" n "dil se mere" ..i mean the lyrics of these songs struck me n i was really amazed why i hadnt noticed before!!!!

hmmm...think i shud stop now.this is wat happens with me--once i start blabbering i cant stop!!!! oh..i almost forgot--- i read a very interesting article on rediff by one rashmi bansal...it was abt the way the two genders view relationships n abt the wht factors hold more priority for each.http://in.rediff.com/getahead/2005/jul/25rashmi.htm (dont get deceived by the title of the article.its in no way sleazy!!! quite a frank article which had quite a few thought provoking lines..so much has been said n written abt the difference in the way the two genders think n react to situations..almost sometimes makes it seems like v r really two diff species itself..amazing how He wired out all this seemingl- similar complex circuitry but subtly gave them such different triggers!!!:-)

hmm...i really shud stop it now..gotta go now n attend to the 'serious' things in life!!!!

Rain rain come again...

"Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
Little johnny wants to play,
Rain rain go away.."

I have always wondered wat kinda stupid boy johnny was!!!!Does he not know tht playing in the rain is sooo much better than fooling around in the heat???but then again mebbe the poor dear kid had standing orders from his parents tht he better get himself back into the house at the first signs of a drizzle(thts wht used to happen to me n my sis..when it started raining v wud start walking back as slowly as v cud n finally reach home drenched..:-) )

the rain has always had a huge fascination for me..its such a pleasure to all the senses..the smell of the earth when the raindrops start going pitter-patter on it,the feel of the cool drops on the skin,the way the entire world looks(with the trees all swaying,ppl running n the endless stream of drops flowing on one n all...)..i jus love all of it.. n frankly i find it the most romantic milieu..somehow the whole thing fills my heart with all sortsa emotions n i feel like ..well i dont really know how to describe wht i feel like..:-)))

its been raining soo hard in blore for some days..its beautiful..some of my most beautiful memories abt my hostel life r also linked with the rain..cant simply forget the way my friends n i use to have rain dances in the hostel courtyard n all those rainy exam nights when v wished liked crazy v cud jus snuggle inside the blankets , the way the acacia forest looked all fresh n beautiful on the morning after a rain,watching the rain patter down while sitting at the window sill at the end of our hostel corridor..wow..it was all really nice(hostel life was a major blast.. if i ever write a memoir i wudn hav much to say abt college but wud hav loads n loads to say abt hostel..it was one thing tht made 4 yrs in college so memorable!!!)..oh..looks like i have digressed so much from wat i started blogging abt!!!hmm..thts wht usually happens when i start chattering..(u know wat sometimes my mom used to ask me whether my jaw doesn hurt with all this exercise tht it gets throughout the day!!!:-))) )

okie..thts all for now.. n all u blorians--go enjoy the rain, ppl!!!

Jet... Set... Gooooo....

soooo...how do i start off??
hmmm..(sheesh .. i have been sitting with this sentence for sthg like 15 minutes now!!! and hey..is there no way of inserting an emoticon into this???? looks like there isnt..so folks jus imagine tht i have put tht cute lil thingy with a '?' blowing up evry now n then...okie??)

okie..then..me right now in office..pretty much jobless...have been wanting to start blogging for quite some time now..but then the lazy goose tht i am --almost all my 'things to do' take their own sweet time to materialise..
me been reading quite a few blogs for some weeks now..theres one by a guy called sidin(looks like evryone is familiar with tht..tht guy is seriously funny!!) , one by a guy who gives us a daily account of hellish life in one of the best management institutes of the country( wats with all these management guys??y do they hav to make such a biiig hue n cry abt the work load..they knew wat they were jumping into right??but anyways thts a nice blog n it does give some pretty insights into tht looooovely management students' life (sigh..me dreams n dreams n dreams........wud somebody plsssss tell me how to add emoticons???) ...also been wandering thru manymany blogs..kinda nice to read all these things tht run thru all these minds...n then one of my dearest guys jus started his blog too.. so then i thot, y not..lemme join the bandwagon...so now here i am!!!!

almost 6.45 now..gotta go..dance practise(one of the best reasons for coming to office!! :-))) )